birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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