Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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