Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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