just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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