Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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