My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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