pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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