Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
