The maid of honor just puked.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
being pregnant is like rehab
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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