I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How does it feel to date your dad?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
