Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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