Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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