Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
