there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
