If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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