I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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