Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
