Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
