So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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