Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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