Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Everything about him screamed your future.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
