Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
