I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There's always time for handjobs
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
