she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
did i just pee glitter
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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