Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
