WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
