you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Floor bacon is actually really good
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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