guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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