Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
