so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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