Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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