So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I cut my penus on the lid.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
