I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize