i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
