I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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