Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
