so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
