I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
