If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
