I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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