I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
