i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
