Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
