Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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