My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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