just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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