So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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