god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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