The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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