my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
