When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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