You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
