jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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