There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
