oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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