Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
