I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
