i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
