you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
