Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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