Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
