Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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