Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
