Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
