Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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