Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
