I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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