we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
