oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
