I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
