She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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