You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
