'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
