Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
