He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
