shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
