Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
