Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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