so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just want nice things and good sex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
