We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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