Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
